BOSTON, MA, June 24, 2009
/24-7PressRelease/ -- Author and relationship coach Audrey Valeriani announced today that for women the key to getting over an ex-lover is to write down all the ways in which he hurt you and read them over and over and over!
Valeriani says she's been helping women with broken hearts for a few years now and there is no quick fix but says, "The most effective way to move forward is to make yourself see your ex only in terms of how he hurt you or what turned you off about him." As she says in her book, Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love (New Horizon Press), "Women tend to romanticize and hold on to all the mushy stuff when, in fact, those moments were probably only fleeting and few when you look at the whole picture. You have to turn off the sappy stuff and focus on why you two are no longer together."
The author of the award-winning book on women, self-esteem, and relationships entitled Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love (New Horizon Press Books) and founder of The R.E.A.L. Women's Club advises women to take a pen and paper and write down a short version of all the bad, obnoxious, insulting, stupid, hurtful things he said or did to you and read them over and over. She says to include everything from "insulted my outfit in front of our friends" to "wearing those ridiculous shorts" to "embarrassed me by making comments about the blonde across the room" -- and especially the "big stuff" like any kind of abuse and cheating.
She says writing and reading the list over and over again works because, "There are negative emotions connected with those times, and when you remember them, those bad feelings come back. Soon every time you think of your ex, you will begin to associate those bad feelings with him instead of the good stuff. And when you start to miss him, you must take control of your mind. Grab the list and read it again, and let yourself remember the face of who caused you to feel those bad feelings in the first place -- him! It's the same method advertisers use to make consumers want their products - a constant barrage of a certain message connected with an image and an emotion."
The author warns that this process works so well that if you are really not sure if things are over, don't use this method. She explains, "It can be really difficult to see your loved one in a good light again if you get back together so be sure to do this only when you know you want to or have to get over this person."
Valeriani also says that this method is great for self-esteem building for women in that, "It helps women to look at things from a logical point of view rather than from their hearts, and to do that takes strength." She explains, "Doing something that takes an active role in your own comfort and well-being sends a message to your brain that you are taking care of yourself -- sometimes for the first time in a long time or ever - and that boosts self-esteem."
About TheAccidentalExpert
Audrey Valeriani is an award-winning author, columnist, freelance writer, self-esteem and relationship coach, as well as board chair for Self Esteem Boston. For further information, please email theaccidentalexpert@comcast.net.
CONTACT:
Audrey Valeriani
(617) 549-1272
theaccidentalexpert@comcast.net
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